As someone who is moderately successful and lives in a major Metropolitan area but had a poor, country upbringing; I get it.
I have tried taking my parents to nice upscale restaurants, both so that they could experience something they otherwise would never have been able to and also as a showcase to them of my success. It was very clear that they did not fit into those environments and I have since stopped trying to bring them up and just meet them where they are, but I do get it.
There’s plenty of good restaurants where you don’t have to look or act fancy. I’ve spent 1k on a meal without alcohol for my GF and I in a place where you fit in wearing jeans and a t-shirt and you can talk about whatever the fuck you want with your friends and nobody cares. You could make anyone discover tons of new types of foods without having them feel bad about who they are…
Nah, sometimes people actually act inappropriately. I had to point this out to my brother and his wife because they fight very aggressively in front of others. I don’t like apologizing to people because they witnessed this.
I’ve experienced this to a similar degree. Most of my family are small town people and I grew up without money in a small town. I moved to Chicago where I’ve been relatively successful and want to share some of the experiences I’ve had with the people I love. But I think the best test of whether or not I can actually include someone in certain activities is how they show up to a funeral. The reason that this is a good test is because you can tell who put in even a smidgen of effort to try to look nice and be respectful and who didn’t. And having grown up without a lot of money, I can tell you right now that it doesn’t cost much to go to the thrift store to get something that looks even a little bit nice even if it’s not standard. The last funeral I went to, you could immediately tell which family members didn’t try at all and just showed up in sweat pants and tshirts. Those are the people I wouldn’t take to certain places. Id maybe take them to touristy places, but that’s about it.
I guess I usually do dress up somewhat for weddings in funerals but this makes me want to make it clear in my end affairs that I don’t care how people are dressed. I sorta get maybe why folks have wake and no funeral.
Huh, my reaction is the opposite. While I don’t actually care, if you have no respect, can’t make any effort, why are you even there? I probably have loved ones who are upset and they don’t need your BS.
The party that started this thread is an entire different form of lack of respect, but respect my family or eff off
I guess it comes down to if you feel clothing is respect. Im a hippie type so for myself I don’t care for these things. As I said I do dress up because I realize the importance to other folks but I would rather folks be there if they want to be than meet a dress code to impress.
I mean, imagine how much time and mobey you’d save! You can bury grandpa at 3, and get married at 4! You only need to rent one space (perhaps redecorate a bit) and one cake, and the best part? Everyone is already there, so you don’t have to invite them again.
Plus, you don’t even need two outfits if you just get clothes that are black on the inside and another color on the outside, and then just turn them over! If you’re wearing a suit, all you have to do is change your black tie to another one.
I’m from a reasonably upper-middle class background; reasonably successful in a top-10 metro. So’s my brother, but he’s gone the McMansion & country club route where I’ve tended more modest. I don’t like visiting them. Their environment just rings all my class warfare buttons, triggers all my “you don’t belong here” warnings & the obsequiousness at the restaurants & venues they prefer is just gross. I mean, I’m a middle-aged white guy, dressed like all the other mf’s in the neighborhood, so I do “belong;” it just feels wrong.
Everybody gotta find their own comfort zone, and we have to appreciate that our friends & family can have different tastes. Sometimes, that does mean dressing up in funny costume & hanging out in uncomfortable spaces to share in their joy, but there’s tactful ways to explain/prepare your fam for unfamiliar situations, and there’s “Come here and let me dress you.”
I grew up where my dad’s family was rich (but not mcmansion country club people) and my moms family was dirt poor. They divorced and I grew up with my mom and saw her struggle to feed us and had to work as soon as I was old enough. I like to think I saw both sides, but definitely had more privilege than most.
Those mcmansion people are the worst. My step dad’s brother was one, and he embezzled his own mother’s life savings and lost them. I’ve met tons of them through my dad’s connections and hearing them talk about how workers always wanted too much while owning multiple homes, new luxury cars, and staying in huge hotel suites was gross (I got brought to a few penthouse parties).
I’ve seen my mom penny pinch, but I never had to feel the struggle that poor people do fully. My grandparents were rich but would always look after people (there was a lineup to my grandpa’s funeral because the church couldn’t fit everyone). Mcmansion rich people are the worst. They can do so much more for their community but they’d rather have stuff and luxury.
This is ofc a legit thing, could you call it a culture clash? But anyway, there are ways to approach that with more tact than the daughter in the screenshot :)
Honestly, that is just maturity. I read the daughter to be in their 20s and I hope they are because then I can excuse it. If they are in their 40s, we’ll then that is just sad. I certainly looked down on my poor family when I was younger, now that I am older I treat it more as a lesson of how far I have come with hard work and gratefulness for being able to escape it.
As someone who is moderately successful and lives in a major Metropolitan area but had a poor, country upbringing; I get it.
I have tried taking my parents to nice upscale restaurants, both so that they could experience something they otherwise would never have been able to and also as a showcase to them of my success. It was very clear that they did not fit into those environments and I have since stopped trying to bring them up and just meet them where they are, but I do get it.
There’s plenty of good restaurants where you don’t have to look or act fancy. I’ve spent 1k on a meal without alcohol for my GF and I in a place where you fit in wearing jeans and a t-shirt and you can talk about whatever the fuck you want with your friends and nobody cares. You could make anyone discover tons of new types of foods without having them feel bad about who they are…
I think I would be 100% on your side here if you indicated you noticed the extreme lack of tact on display in the post.
You embarrass me
Words uttered only by narcissists and parents
Nah, sometimes people actually act inappropriately. I had to point this out to my brother and his wife because they fight very aggressively in front of others. I don’t like apologizing to people because they witnessed this.
And then you let them know. You don’t need to provide that they embarrass you to do so
And every teenager on the planet. Granted teenagers are huge narcissists, but they are supposed to be.
I’ve experienced this to a similar degree. Most of my family are small town people and I grew up without money in a small town. I moved to Chicago where I’ve been relatively successful and want to share some of the experiences I’ve had with the people I love. But I think the best test of whether or not I can actually include someone in certain activities is how they show up to a funeral. The reason that this is a good test is because you can tell who put in even a smidgen of effort to try to look nice and be respectful and who didn’t. And having grown up without a lot of money, I can tell you right now that it doesn’t cost much to go to the thrift store to get something that looks even a little bit nice even if it’s not standard. The last funeral I went to, you could immediately tell which family members didn’t try at all and just showed up in sweat pants and tshirts. Those are the people I wouldn’t take to certain places. Id maybe take them to touristy places, but that’s about it.
If my sweet hoodie means you won’t take me with you to cool places, that just makes my hoodie a better friend.
I guess I usually do dress up somewhat for weddings in funerals but this makes me want to make it clear in my end affairs that I don’t care how people are dressed. I sorta get maybe why folks have wake and no funeral.
Huh, my reaction is the opposite. While I don’t actually care, if you have no respect, can’t make any effort, why are you even there? I probably have loved ones who are upset and they don’t need your BS.
The party that started this thread is an entire different form of lack of respect, but respect my family or eff off
I guess it comes down to if you feel clothing is respect. Im a hippie type so for myself I don’t care for these things. As I said I do dress up because I realize the importance to other folks but I would rather folks be there if they want to be than meet a dress code to impress.
I’ve always found it very bizarre we equate wearing uncomfortable clothing with respect.
Interesting family you got there.
I mean, imagine how much time and mobey you’d save! You can bury grandpa at 3, and get married at 4! You only need to rent one space (perhaps redecorate a bit) and one cake, and the best part? Everyone is already there, so you don’t have to invite them again.
Plus, you don’t even need two outfits if you just get clothes that are black on the inside and another color on the outside, and then just turn them over! If you’re wearing a suit, all you have to do is change your black tie to another one.
thanks. I edited it. I honestly have no idea how I do these types of things in my writing.
Gotta combine expenses and get the most out of your venue rental.
Granny’s funeral and Emma’s wedding two weeks apart? In this economy?
I’m from a reasonably upper-middle class background; reasonably successful in a top-10 metro. So’s my brother, but he’s gone the McMansion & country club route where I’ve tended more modest. I don’t like visiting them. Their environment just rings all my class warfare buttons, triggers all my “you don’t belong here” warnings & the obsequiousness at the restaurants & venues they prefer is just gross. I mean, I’m a middle-aged white guy, dressed like all the other mf’s in the neighborhood, so I do “belong;” it just feels wrong.
Everybody gotta find their own comfort zone, and we have to appreciate that our friends & family can have different tastes. Sometimes, that does mean dressing up in funny costume & hanging out in uncomfortable spaces to share in their joy, but there’s tactful ways to explain/prepare your fam for unfamiliar situations, and there’s “Come here and let me dress you.”
I grew up where my dad’s family was rich (but not mcmansion country club people) and my moms family was dirt poor. They divorced and I grew up with my mom and saw her struggle to feed us and had to work as soon as I was old enough. I like to think I saw both sides, but definitely had more privilege than most.
Those mcmansion people are the worst. My step dad’s brother was one, and he embezzled his own mother’s life savings and lost them. I’ve met tons of them through my dad’s connections and hearing them talk about how workers always wanted too much while owning multiple homes, new luxury cars, and staying in huge hotel suites was gross (I got brought to a few penthouse parties).
I’ve seen my mom penny pinch, but I never had to feel the struggle that poor people do fully. My grandparents were rich but would always look after people (there was a lineup to my grandpa’s funeral because the church couldn’t fit everyone). Mcmansion rich people are the worst. They can do so much more for their community but they’d rather have stuff and luxury.
This is ofc a legit thing, could you call it a culture clash? But anyway, there are ways to approach that with more tact than the daughter in the screenshot :)
Honestly, that is just maturity. I read the daughter to be in their 20s and I hope they are because then I can excuse it. If they are in their 40s, we’ll then that is just sad. I certainly looked down on my poor family when I was younger, now that I am older I treat it more as a lesson of how far I have come with hard work and gratefulness for being able to escape it.
It may even be lack of self confidence. The daughter could be nervous about fitting in with the new family, and expressing that in an unhealthy way