I live with them and the only option I realistically have other than this is to move in with my mom who tends to emotionally depend on me.
Just because you live with them doesn’t mean they have to be your life. Where you pay rent can be simply where you sleep and bath. Where you live can be everywhere outside of there. Reach out to identify a new groups of people outside those around you now. Find a group activity completely separate from your current group. It could anything, a drawing class, bird watching, martial arts, pickleball, book club, anything that you find interesting, and you automatically know you have a shared interest with everyone else because you all chose to be there doing that thing.
There was a time when I had dreams and goals in life, I wanted to work in tech, I wanted to get bachelors degree I wanted to have friends, but the truth is I never realized how gross I was until now, I never realized my transition would be a failure, I never realized just how much i got on peoples nerves
Self improvement comes in many forms, and it doesn’t happen without your effort. It also doesn’t happen overnight. Its small steps of incremental effort day after day. You mention getting a bachelors degree. If you feel you have a desire for it, do it! Figure out what it would take, make a plan, and start working the plan.
recently I feel closer and closer to just ending it, I have essentially became aware that all of my friends put me in the outer circle of our friend group, and actively view me as a child. I am autistic but also I feel like my friends view me as disgusting with no real solution of what to do with me,
Please don’t end it! The world is so much bigger than the handful of people around you right now! You’re dealing with some pretty strong feelings right now, and there’s nothing in life that guides you on this that any of us are born with. Professional help can help! There are therapists that you can talk to. If you need it to be private, you can even have it so they don’t know your name. You pay cash and there’s never a record of your real name in any files. You can get help addressing some of these big questions you’re staring at. I promise you, it can help.
There are people out there that will love you for you, and give you motivation to be the best version of yourself. Don’t take that chance away from yourself, and your future close friends!
Just because you live with them doesn’t mean they have to be your life. Where you pay rent can be simply where you sleep and bath. Where you live can be everywhere outside of there. Reach out to identify a new groups of people outside those around you now. Find a group activity completely separate from your current group. It could anything, a drawing class, bird watching, martial arts, pickleball, book club, anything that you find interesting, and you automatically know you have a shared interest with everyone else because you all chose to be there doing that thing.
Self improvement comes in many forms, and it doesn’t happen without your effort. It also doesn’t happen overnight. Its small steps of incremental effort day after day. You mention getting a bachelors degree. If you feel you have a desire for it, do it! Figure out what it would take, make a plan, and start working the plan.
Please don’t end it! The world is so much bigger than the handful of people around you right now! You’re dealing with some pretty strong feelings right now, and there’s nothing in life that guides you on this that any of us are born with. Professional help can help! There are therapists that you can talk to. If you need it to be private, you can even have it so they don’t know your name. You pay cash and there’s never a record of your real name in any files. You can get help addressing some of these big questions you’re staring at. I promise you, it can help.
There are people out there that will love you for you, and give you motivation to be the best version of yourself. Don’t take that chance away from yourself, and your future close friends!